2010

Where to begin with 2010? Ehh lets just say this year wasn't my year...but I sure am still as thankful as ever. I guess you could say this year ended with a goodbye to my home of 12 years -California. January was filled with last minute hang outs, packing, and many tears as I got ready for an 18 hour drive to my new home Seattle. I haven't been back since, and I'm not going to lie...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss it. You think I'd be use to moving by now since I move back and fourth to Alaska every summer. But nope. It was definitely the hardest thing I've had to go through. The bright side I suppose? I got to start over! New school, new friends, new house! A short 4 months later summer came along, and like every summer of course I spent it working in Alaska. It consisted of hanging with the coworkers, random family parties, and hiking adventures! Twas a pretty alright summer if I do say so myself. From August on out, Seattle hasn't been THAT bad. I learned to enjoy my classes at Bellevue, found some pretty cool new friends, and have really enjoyed that most of my family lives so close to me now.

Two highlights of the end of my year: Most definitely my trip to New York to visit Erica in November :) It was my first time traveling alone as well as being on the east coast! It was only a short amount of time but maaan I love NY! Too many laughs during that trip, it was like we hung out yesterday. My other highlight was my cousin Sandras wedding. So much preparation had the whole family together 24/7 ! Everyone was in and out of our house, family flew in, random decoration trips. It was insane yet so fun at the same time.

December 27...sad to say I can't believe Christmas is already over :( What saddens me is not the fact Christmas is over, but the fact that the whole world won't be celebrating Our Savior with us anymore. ‎"Christmas for the nonbeliever is to feel for one day what the Christian feels everyday." -Greg Laurie. This quote is so true. For the Christian it feels like Christmas everyday because we have that joy and "feeling" inside of us - the Holy Spirit! We are happy that Christ came to give us that ultimate gift and celebrate together each time we study his Word!

I'm surprisingly looking forward to 2011. This is going to be my year :) I've adjusted to Seattle. Community groups start in Jan. I'm planning on transferring schools next quarter. Maybe a trip to Cali spring break. Vegas in April for a karate tourny. & I'LL BE TURNING 21!!!

Lets see what God has planned for me this year, I'm ready.

nov 7th

Its currently Novem freaking BERRR already! I don't even know how that happens. Anyways...my plan was to move back to California this spring but plans change! I would've loved to go to Masters College, except financially I think its just way too expensive and impossible for me to afford. I was also contemplating on majoring in kinesiology. Although, sad to say - I don't think I can afford that either. Since I've already taken most of the core business classes I think its best I just stick it out and get that degree asap. I'm still at Bellevue College for this quarter, which hasn't been too bad. I'm only taking small group communications and geography which is super easy. I visited SPU this week, and eh its alright. Definitely doesn't par up to Biola's standards. But hey as long as the professors are teaching what the Bible says ....then I'm good. All I know is I really wanna get back into a University the first chance I get! Since its quarter system here, I was thinking I could go to SPU winter quarter...take a break Spring quarter save up and maybe take a few courses at Bellevue...and go back to SPU fall quarter. Thats the plan! UNLESS I win the lottery then I'll never have to step into a classroom ever again hallelujah ! Other than school...life hasn't been THAT bad. I'm actually enjoying all the time I get to spend with my family. I've also met a ton of new friends this quarter which has been pretty cool getting to know them. So all in all I'm getting more content with everything as time passes by.

Highlights: 3 weeks ago I totally took a mini vacation and went to New York to visit one of my besties! It was my first time traveling alone like a big girl! My trip was amazing and I love it there! I got to check off "Take a picture in times square" on my bucket list! I don't really have super close friends here in Seattle...so it was nice having someone to be my weird self with again! Its kinda crazy how almost a year went by and its like nothing ever changed! And I love it :)

Another highlight! This weekend is Seattle's first Harvest Crusade hosted by Greg Laurie! I don't know any other word to describe it except for amazing. Its crazy how everyone has their own stories yet thousands of people gathered together to worship God...or even more crazier to meet Him for the first time. Someone giving their life to Christ is one of the most beautiful things you can witness in life. Not to mention the most important!

Random thoughts: November 2010. I can't believe Christmas time isn't that far away! Just a year ago, I was still living in Cali...finishing up my semester at IVC...working at Coast Hills ..still makin my way over to Biola every Thursday for Maharlika and hanging with the besties on weekends...oh and how could I forget falling in 'love' before my big move to WA.

Oh how things have changed. I miss my old life so much, you have no idea. I miss everyone who use to be in it. Those memories will always be there, I can't dwell in the past. Its the present and future that I gotta make count now :) Dang this was a well thought out blog. I wonder how long it'll take for me to write another one.

hmm

I really want to update this. But my thoughts and life are just everywhere. Fail. What...its November?

time

Seems like the days are going by super slow, yet when I look back I have no idea where the time went. Life is definitely falling into place for me. I have my classes set for this fall at Bellevue College and I finally got accepted to Masters College in Cali, which I hope to go to this spring if it works out :) And on top of that, I think I've decided I'm taking a break with the whole majoring in business deal. I'm moving on to kinesiology or sports medicine and we'll see where that takes me! Other than that I've been working like crazy, enjoying every minute of my summer even though it hasn't been all that eventful, and treasuring each moment I get with everyone because you know life is too short to take that for granted!

book worm

I FINALLY finished the book Captivating after trying to read it for months. HA. I love Gods timing because I stopped and started reading it again at the times I needed to hear it most!

"Fallen Eve demands people to 'come through' for her. Redeemed Eve is being met in depths of her soul by Christ and is free to offer to others, free to desire, and willing to be disappointed. Fallen Eve has been wounded by others and withdraws in order to protect herself from further harm. Redeemed Eve knows that she has something of value to offer, that she is made for relationship. Therefore being safe and secure in her relationship with her Lord, she can risk being vulnerable with others and offer her true self."

Dang right.

On to the next books:

Twelve Extraordinary Women - John MacArthur

The Pursuit of God - A W Tozer

Learning to enjoy getting to know our Savior :)

mission

A simple message really hit me the other day. It was straight up the Gospel. We proclaim to be Christians, yet are we really living our lives on a mission for Him? If someone asked you about Jesus, could you whip out your Bible and lay down all the verses that are needed to spread Truth? I guess thats the problem with the church today. We need to be ready and know who He is. Including myself.

There are 5 gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John....and your own.

The sad part is most people won't read the first 4....they'll only get to yours.

On to studying the Word.

July

I wrote an update about what was going on in my life, only to delete it hah. It wasn't that interesting. My summer has basically been....work. Other than that, this has definitely been a summer where I'm actually taking my walk with God seriously. I usually just blow that off until I get to my "home" church back in Cali or Seattle. Its sad, but its the truth. I guess its different this summer. I actually have the drive to look up and watch sermons on my spare time and study Gods word. It becomes a habit when you have family and friends around you who you can share your thoughts with daily. I've been learning that life is definitely Gods timing and there is no such thing as coincidence. Things and people just happen to be there at that particular moment because God intended it to happen. Sometimes we love it, sometimes we don't. And just the fact that God is the one that controls everything, amazes me in His sovereignty. Words cannot explain how great He is! Not so sure where I was going with this blog, but I just had to get some thoughts out :) till next time!

woooooo

2010 NBA CHAMPS LAKERSSSSS BABY!!!!

man i so wish i was in LA to riot and party with all fans!

wooohooooooooo!

whats new?

In about 3 days I'm off to Alaska for summer again! Can you believe it...summer '10 already. Time just goes by so fast and when I look back to remember it, it doesn't even seem like it happened! But anyways, as for the college situation. I most likely taking 2 courses at Bellevue again this fall and getting a job or internship then I'm off to either Seattle Pacific or The Masters College in Cali next spring....hopefully! Moving to Washington has been a total blur to me. I actually woke up this morning thinkin how it still doesn't feel like home to me. Its all good though my home is in God!

On to more important things in life...

LAKERS VS. CELTICS GAME 7 TONIGHT.

that will determine the happiness of my next post.

toodles!

proverbs 31

I'm pretty sure every Christian girl has wanted or strived to be that God fearing Proverbs 31 woman. I've been reading and studying Ruth for the past week. And she is an amazing woman. Her faith in God is incredible, and she obeyed and listened. Simply no questions asked. Her life was definitely torn apart and yet she endured through her trials. She never lost faith and kept loyal to her God. And of course she became the mother of the royal line of David. She became the bride of her redeemer, just like us and Christ.

Sometimes I wonder and question myself. What if I was in Ruths situation. What would I do?! Would I leave behind my whole life for God? How would I deal if I literally had nothing, and the only thing I had left was God. I've just been so convicted of eeeeverything lately.

I'm just taking it one day at a time. Its unbelievable how much time and effort frees up when its just me. Its even more crazy how much time I have to give to God when I can say 'nothins in the way, its just You and me'. Thats whats up.

About 2 weeks left of school. Done with college applications. Then off to Alaska for summer time and work it is.

joy joy joy

life is happy and when the happy goes away I'm joyful :) I'm learning how to be by myself and have a relationship with God at the same time. And I'm loving this process of it.

I feel blessed that I've been compelled by God to seek Him. Basically my life right now.

counter

to that post below. Despite our downfalls, I still love every single person who has hurt me.

Because I put my all in Someone who won't ever let me down :)

Givin my life to the only One who makes the moon reflect the sun.

Keeeep on keepin oooon.

bout everythang

You definitely don't get what you want in life. And what you want is sometimes not the best for you and everyone else around you. As hard as it is for me to comprehend, I'm learning that every single person will fail you in life at one point or another. Its the effect of sin. Period. And I hate it. Knowing that, I guess its the way you want to deal with everything. Whether I want to drown and handle everything myself, or know I can't carry everything on my own shoulders and let God carry my burdens.

So besides life's lessons. Life for me hasn't been all that great. Of course, or else I wouldn't be writing right now. If it was my choice, I'd take off this fall- move back to sweet home California and go to The Masters College. If only....I was accepted, my parents would let me, and if I had an extra $30,000. Ha. If only. But I don't, so for know I guess I have to suck it up and live at home while finishing up this quarter at Bellevue College. I don't think I'll ever graduate and this school situation is so stressful.

I feel like everything I thought love was, has been clouded over with some sort of a lie. I actually came on here to rant about all of life and loves stupidness. But I guess there's no point in that. So....I'll end with saying I can't wait for the day God gives me the guy who will love and pursue Him more than he'll ever love me.

April

is almost over?! I shall update this soooon.

eh

I reaaaally deserve better than this.

captivating

I started reading this book called Captivating that has been sitting on my shelf for years! People have been telling me to read it so I thought this might be a good time since I'm not school or anything. So far its AMAAAZING!

A quest to find Gods heart as well as mine :)

3 things a womans heart desires:

-to be romanced-

Soooo true, every girl wants to be pursued and romanced by someone who loves you

and puts you at the top of their priorities. Dang the sad thing is, I don't think I've ever been truly romanced by any of the guys I've dated. Not just taking me out and buying me stuff. But the type of romancing where he finds God first and respects and pursues me through that. Gaaah my dream lol.

-to be an irreplaceable role in a great adventure-

Oh heck yeah thats definitely meeee.

-for her beauty to unveil-

Definitely the woman God had in mind when He made Eve :) !

another day

Its funny how its almost always the people you let down your guard with who hurt you the most. The ones who you love, call best friend, do everything with. Then suddenly life happens and the next thing you know its like you never knew them. I'm pretty sure I've written a blog about this a million times. I suppose its just a re-occuring thing that happens in my life often. I wish all relationships could pause at the moment where we laughed till we cried. I value friendships to the fullest, and to tell you the truth I'm kinda tired of being the hurt one. God is really showing me who's always going to be there for me. Through thick and thin. No matter what.

stories

I wonder what reading back at these posts are going to feel like a year from now. So today...dropped all my savings just to go to school this quarter. Funny thing was- I needed the exact amount of money in my bank account in order for my classes to not get dropped. Its weird how God works sometimes..definitely not in our time. But hey when He does what he does...its pretty amazing. I'm broke like no other now. I feel so vulnerable and insecure. I suppose thats where trust comes in.

I'm finding out that knowing all my friends are still together hangin out in Cali still hurts. I really wish I could just go back and have everything the way it was. The feeling of missing out really sucks. I really can't get it through my head that I have a new life here. A part of me just won't let go of anything.

On the other hand, meeting new people and hearing their stories and what they have to say is pretty interesting. I've started going to a new Bible study, and just plain talking about life with sisters in Christ has been a blessing even though I just met them. I love getting to know new people and the chance to share each others lives in the midst of everyones busyness is most definitely a blessing.

If anyone reads this, I swear I'm the most happiestttt person ever. I just come here to vent if my posts seem so....not happy! haha

Talks

Heard some encouraging words the other day.

"Sometimes you have to trust God and have faith that he'll meet you in the midst of taking risks."

I guess I'm at a point in my life where everything is uncertain. School...money...love...moving...relationships. I have no idea where I'll be at the end of this year. I just hope I'll make the right decisions and really trust that God will provide and meet me in the middle of all this crazyness.

I could use some prayers from anyone out there too.

just livin.

im frustrated.

im overwhelmed.

i feel like everything is going wrong right now.

and i can't handle it.

"Someone comes into your life, and half of you says - danger stay in your cave your no where near ready and the other half says go get them immediately"

I spend most of my time in my perfect world through movies or music. Thinkin about exactly want I want and how I want my future to turn out to be. Reality is- its making me miss the present. I find myself always complaining about the present, then looking back and thinking how I should have been grateful for what I had back then...because its "worse" now.

I swear every time something good comes my way. I some how manage to either screw it up or life randomly takes it away from me.

It'd be a whole lot easier if God just stuck the right path in front of me saying "GO THERE! Thats the college your going to graduate at. Thats the boy your going to marry. Thats the career your going to love. Thats the right decision your going to make".

But hey I guess thats not how it works and thats how we live life. As for now...all I can say is God I need you so much right now. I feel like I have nobody helping me. And on top of that I've been putting You at the bottom of my priorities. Whats wrong with me.

BAM

bomb post i wrote earlier this summer, thought i'd post it again.

-We are being courted by God.

When the elect get to heaven we are going to be aware of every sin we committed. Indeed, we will be ashamed. But God being sovereign, will be right by our side showing us how he used the worst situations in our lives to show his glory. We will realize how throughout our whole life, our Father has been holding our hand and molding and shaping us to be the person we were created to be.

The perfect spouse?

A man who can protect, serve, love, and risk his life for you. Someone who will take care and love you for who you are unconditionally. These are the attributes of God x1000. He has all the power in the world, plus the universe He made to back Him up. (forrreal, the end of that sentence is the bomb right?)

Sometimes all the small details of theology get in the way, but its the relationship that truly matters in the end.

SKYROCKEEEEETTTT!

yeayuh thats gunna be my life in the next couple of weeks.

waaaatch out motivation comin through baby.

hahahaahha maybe im delirious right now.

i really wanna:

get back into reading my Bible and journaling every so often

WORKOUT!

&start ebaying and wholesaling again

bam bam bam

GO TO A COLLEGE I WANT TO!

gunna listen to John Piper preach tomorrow at church....hmmm hopefully a good blog is coming soooooooon.

adjusting

Been livin in Seattle for almost half a month now? I think I'm over the whining. I still miss Cali like no other though. I guess I can't do anything about it but move on now. Slowly transitioning. Almost moved in my new room. Hangin' with the cousins and fam everyday. Checkin out colleges. Applied to Bellevue College. Found a church. Signed up for a Bible study. I'm ready to get out there and explore my new life!

valentines

This years Valentines day was filled with spending time with the family and coming back home to the one and only Savior. The past couple of weeks haven't exactly been the best, but the hardest transition for everyone in my family- especially for me. Harsh words were yelled that probably shouldn't have been said,countless arguments have gone down that went no where, and stupidity has shown at its finest through all this anger. But besides all that, I guess nothing can separate the love no matter what. Putting all that aside and having a vday lunch over lechon kawali and sinigang always brings us together ;) haha.

Even though I didn't get to be with my "valentine" today. That was fine with me. Being away hasn't changed my love but it has made me stronger. Its crazy how certain things lead you to paths that you think you would never take but end up needing it. There's never a day where I can't help but miss you so much till it hurts. There's never a moment where I catch you off my mind. Distance has pushed me even further into not wanting to let go. I know what's best for me and I still don't listen. There's just something that my heart can't tear apart with. Memories running through my mind are just breakin me down every single day. Wonder if time will tell, or we'll just fade away, or if you even think the same way about us.

-----------------------------

Speaking of Love. What more could I ask for but for another chance. I know I've blown every single "re-do" at life You've given me. I've screwed up so many times and yet here I am still running back to You. God, your all I need.

Christianity is not just a belief, its a lifestyle also.

Once you've believe in Him, its either all or nothing.

And people don't seem to understand that, including I.

The apostles walked away from everything once they followed Jesus.

Could I really do that if I had to? Leave my family, friends, job, school, EVERYTHING?

Just to follow Him?

If I proclaim to be a Jesus follower, I better be one.

I can't be screwing around like this.

People think once they believe- they can do whatever they want.

Its straight up and simply no.

So here I am saying...God I want You.

My life is yours, not mine.

Use me for your glory and set my fire ablaze.

realization:

awakening

awareness

culmination

effectuation

fulfillment

understanding

waaaay too much thoughts on my mind to even blog about.

wish i had someone to vent to.

I wish you here by my side...in the mean time- I'll be waiting.

When life feels like a nightmare you can't wake up from, hah it pretty much sucks.

miss

I don't think anyone really understands what I'm going through.
Sitting in my empty room. Leaving the past behind. It's making me
realize how the house is really worth nothing and it's the family
that's in it. I think its crazy to think how I cherished every last
moment I had with the friends I won't be seeing so often anymore.
Life is short in general so I suppose we should live life like that. In all of
this, I guess God is always going to be the One who doesn't change.
The one person who never fails and the someone who's always gunna be
there no matter what. This part of my life is done I just need to
accept it....maybe not move on...but never forget and accept that new
things are coming into my life and be thankful for what God has
allowed in my life.

I've realized in the past several months who my true friends are. The
ones who'll call me just to see how I'm doing. The ones who try to
keep and mend our friendships and the new ones that'll always be there
for me....even states apart. Together or not it's always gunna be the same.

No idea how but before I left I managed to fall in love. Seems like nothin

else matters when I'm with you. In this short period of time
and as crazy as it seems I still don't wanna let it go. And as much as I
don't wanna admit this, its probably the one thing thats pullin me back
from accepting this move.

legit.

"

I call shotgun because I am the type of girl who with be right next to you through the worst and the best rides of your life. I call shotgun because if something were to happen, I would be right there in the front with one hand before me and the other will be used to protect you. I call shotgun and instead of blowing smoke into your quivering lips, I pass nothing but the good type of love. I call shotgun because there is no one else who is willing to do what I do for you. I call shotgun because baby, I am that ride or die type of woman. I just hope you know that once you call shotgun, it’s a guarantee spot right next to me. I am not the backseat and passively-let-life-go-by type of girl. I will not follow you from behind. Right next to you is where I will be. So what do you say? As for me, you already know. I called it. -

Shotgun.

"

thinkin

"When you have to say goodbye you just gotta believe its because you're about to say hello to someone new."

I haaaaaaaaate goodbyes & i hate change.

I wonder what rest of this year is going to be like.

alive in this moment - starfield

- It's been so long since I have met You here

Since I have said these words or cried these tears
And like a child would come I run into our secret place
And as the music fades, the tears are rolling down my face

I am alive in this moment
In this moment I am found
I am alive in this moment
In this moment I belong -

Its kinda weird how music can make you realize certain things at the exact moment you need to hear it.

Its been so long where I've been in that place with God. That intimate, close place where I just let go and spend time with Him. Happy or sad -those tears haven't been rollin down my face. My journal pages are empty. Its been so long where I've felt 'alive in that moment' and I want it back. I don't understand how everything seems okay when its not. When your heart isn't right with God, I don't think the rest of your life fits into place.

Surrender.

cause in my eyes, you'll always be mine.

Livin life awake, because you make reality better than dreamin'

Feelin as if we're both standin on top of the world and can conquer anythin.

Every moment of every day your on my mind,

When it kills me knowing I'm gunna have to leave us behind.

Its only for awhile, don't wait up cause time will tell.

In a blink of an eye, you'll be mine and I'll be yours again.

If I only knew that the future would lead me back to you,

Then I'd get up and go and stop reminiscing about our first kiss.

Cause the way you make me feel when I'm with you,

is nothing compared to this.

All the what ifs and maybes goin through my mind,

I'm willing to risk it if you'll stay mine.

We can make it through anything and everything,

cause thats how we do.

Proven and lived, our relationship grew.

Into something better than love, two lives intertwined.

Fallin and fallin into something deeper,

I can't explain, but to wait it out and save what we have.

'Cause you make me feel like I could love again,

when I thought this would be the very end of me.'

What ifs

So there I was packing my room away. When all of a sudden it hit me. I'm actually leaving the place where I call home. Happy Maricris. Finally broke down crying face down on my bedroom floor. It's not all the memories I'm going to miss. Because I feel so lucky and blessed to even have those. But it's all of the what ifs and what could have happen if I stayed here? I feel as though everything I had in mind for the future just went down the drain. Like I'm missin out on the life I was suppose to have. I feel so blind to where life is going to take me this year. Walkin' on thin ice.

I suppose this is the time where I should give up trying to do what I want and give my life to you huh God?

rewind

I wish I could just pause life, rewind and keep it there. I seriously am missing the past, loving the present, and terrified of what the future holds. In just a week I'll be packin my life away and moving to Washington. And just the thought of that breaks my heart. Everything I've ever known is here in California. My home, school, friends, past and what not. This past year and a half of college has been one of the most fun times of my liiiife, and to leave it behind just doesn't even makes sense to me. I'm probably just being dramatic but I really can't see myself living there nor enjoying it.

Update on life since the last post:

My bad for the negativity up there. I'm actually super happy at the moment. And content with life at the moment too, except the whole moving deal.

Last day at work today :( I'm gunna miss wrapping those presents at Coast Hills! haha

December was amazing I must say. Actually January has been just as amazing.

I know your gunna read this since we talked about blogs tonight Rome. So I might as well write to you in this, since your basically what happen since my last blog lmao. I'll look back and read how happy I was :D hahah. Anyways, spending the last couple months with you have been beyond amazing and if I could, I would go back in time just to have more time with you. I know it hasn't been that long, but we've been through so much and as you already know I've fallin waaaay hard for you. I can't even imagine how life is gunna be like when I move and not being able to see each other. I just wanna say thanks for being there and puttin a smile on my face everyday :] You've made my last few months in Cali the best they could be :] Its been such a blessing being able to spend so much time with you and getting to know you. You've become one of my best friends and I'm gunna miss you like no other. Lets start our to do lists YEEAHYEAHH! :)

Never thought I'd find myself like this.
Lovin' the way your constantly on my mind,
Amazed how reality is better than dreams,
Thinkin 'ain't no place I'd rather be' than in your arms.
Breakin down the days we're apart-
Catchin myself,
Listenin to our favorite songs,
And gazing up at the stars,
While replaying our memories like a never ending love story.
They never seem to fade away.

Never thought I'd find myself like this.
Falling faster than our lives colliding,
Realizing every silly little thing reminds me of you.
I feel as if I've found my other half,
Someone I can be myself around,
Smilin at the fact that I'm yours.

When our days seem like weeks,
And our months seem like years,
It breaks my heart knowing we wont be us anymore.
And it scares me to think,
That you'll simply forget even holding my hand.
With all the time spent and memories made,
I wouldn't trade it for the world even if it ends with a tear.

Never thought I'd find myself in love,
Hoping that someday we'll find each other again.

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Note to self: next blog on ephesians 1 (inheritance & blessings) // backsliding