eh

I reaaaally deserve better than this.

captivating

I started reading this book called Captivating that has been sitting on my shelf for years! People have been telling me to read it so I thought this might be a good time since I'm not school or anything. So far its AMAAAZING!

A quest to find Gods heart as well as mine :)

3 things a womans heart desires:

-to be romanced-

Soooo true, every girl wants to be pursued and romanced by someone who loves you

and puts you at the top of their priorities. Dang the sad thing is, I don't think I've ever been truly romanced by any of the guys I've dated. Not just taking me out and buying me stuff. But the type of romancing where he finds God first and respects and pursues me through that. Gaaah my dream lol.

-to be an irreplaceable role in a great adventure-

Oh heck yeah thats definitely meeee.

-for her beauty to unveil-

Definitely the woman God had in mind when He made Eve :) !

another day

Its funny how its almost always the people you let down your guard with who hurt you the most. The ones who you love, call best friend, do everything with. Then suddenly life happens and the next thing you know its like you never knew them. I'm pretty sure I've written a blog about this a million times. I suppose its just a re-occuring thing that happens in my life often. I wish all relationships could pause at the moment where we laughed till we cried. I value friendships to the fullest, and to tell you the truth I'm kinda tired of being the hurt one. God is really showing me who's always going to be there for me. Through thick and thin. No matter what.

stories

I wonder what reading back at these posts are going to feel like a year from now. So today...dropped all my savings just to go to school this quarter. Funny thing was- I needed the exact amount of money in my bank account in order for my classes to not get dropped. Its weird how God works sometimes..definitely not in our time. But hey when He does what he does...its pretty amazing. I'm broke like no other now. I feel so vulnerable and insecure. I suppose thats where trust comes in.

I'm finding out that knowing all my friends are still together hangin out in Cali still hurts. I really wish I could just go back and have everything the way it was. The feeling of missing out really sucks. I really can't get it through my head that I have a new life here. A part of me just won't let go of anything.

On the other hand, meeting new people and hearing their stories and what they have to say is pretty interesting. I've started going to a new Bible study, and just plain talking about life with sisters in Christ has been a blessing even though I just met them. I love getting to know new people and the chance to share each others lives in the midst of everyones busyness is most definitely a blessing.

If anyone reads this, I swear I'm the most happiestttt person ever. I just come here to vent if my posts seem so....not happy! haha

Talks

Heard some encouraging words the other day.

"Sometimes you have to trust God and have faith that he'll meet you in the midst of taking risks."

I guess I'm at a point in my life where everything is uncertain. School...money...love...moving...relationships. I have no idea where I'll be at the end of this year. I just hope I'll make the right decisions and really trust that God will provide and meet me in the middle of all this crazyness.

I could use some prayers from anyone out there too.

just livin.

im frustrated.

im overwhelmed.

i feel like everything is going wrong right now.

and i can't handle it.

"Someone comes into your life, and half of you says - danger stay in your cave your no where near ready and the other half says go get them immediately"

I spend most of my time in my perfect world through movies or music. Thinkin about exactly want I want and how I want my future to turn out to be. Reality is- its making me miss the present. I find myself always complaining about the present, then looking back and thinking how I should have been grateful for what I had back then...because its "worse" now.

I swear every time something good comes my way. I some how manage to either screw it up or life randomly takes it away from me.

It'd be a whole lot easier if God just stuck the right path in front of me saying "GO THERE! Thats the college your going to graduate at. Thats the boy your going to marry. Thats the career your going to love. Thats the right decision your going to make".

But hey I guess thats not how it works and thats how we live life. As for now...all I can say is God I need you so much right now. I feel like I have nobody helping me. And on top of that I've been putting You at the bottom of my priorities. Whats wrong with me.

BAM

bomb post i wrote earlier this summer, thought i'd post it again.

-We are being courted by God.

When the elect get to heaven we are going to be aware of every sin we committed. Indeed, we will be ashamed. But God being sovereign, will be right by our side showing us how he used the worst situations in our lives to show his glory. We will realize how throughout our whole life, our Father has been holding our hand and molding and shaping us to be the person we were created to be.

The perfect spouse?

A man who can protect, serve, love, and risk his life for you. Someone who will take care and love you for who you are unconditionally. These are the attributes of God x1000. He has all the power in the world, plus the universe He made to back Him up. (forrreal, the end of that sentence is the bomb right?)

Sometimes all the small details of theology get in the way, but its the relationship that truly matters in the end.