What ifs

So there I was packing my room away. When all of a sudden it hit me. I'm actually leaving the place where I call home. Happy Maricris. Finally broke down crying face down on my bedroom floor. It's not all the memories I'm going to miss. Because I feel so lucky and blessed to even have those. But it's all of the what ifs and what could have happen if I stayed here? I feel as though everything I had in mind for the future just went down the drain. Like I'm missin out on the life I was suppose to have. I feel so blind to where life is going to take me this year. Walkin' on thin ice.

I suppose this is the time where I should give up trying to do what I want and give my life to you huh God?

rewind

I wish I could just pause life, rewind and keep it there. I seriously am missing the past, loving the present, and terrified of what the future holds. In just a week I'll be packin my life away and moving to Washington. And just the thought of that breaks my heart. Everything I've ever known is here in California. My home, school, friends, past and what not. This past year and a half of college has been one of the most fun times of my liiiife, and to leave it behind just doesn't even makes sense to me. I'm probably just being dramatic but I really can't see myself living there nor enjoying it.

Update on life since the last post:

My bad for the negativity up there. I'm actually super happy at the moment. And content with life at the moment too, except the whole moving deal.

Last day at work today :( I'm gunna miss wrapping those presents at Coast Hills! haha

December was amazing I must say. Actually January has been just as amazing.

I know your gunna read this since we talked about blogs tonight Rome. So I might as well write to you in this, since your basically what happen since my last blog lmao. I'll look back and read how happy I was :D hahah. Anyways, spending the last couple months with you have been beyond amazing and if I could, I would go back in time just to have more time with you. I know it hasn't been that long, but we've been through so much and as you already know I've fallin waaaay hard for you. I can't even imagine how life is gunna be like when I move and not being able to see each other. I just wanna say thanks for being there and puttin a smile on my face everyday :] You've made my last few months in Cali the best they could be :] Its been such a blessing being able to spend so much time with you and getting to know you. You've become one of my best friends and I'm gunna miss you like no other. Lets start our to do lists YEEAHYEAHH! :)

Never thought I'd find myself like this.
Lovin' the way your constantly on my mind,
Amazed how reality is better than dreams,
Thinkin 'ain't no place I'd rather be' than in your arms.
Breakin down the days we're apart-
Catchin myself,
Listenin to our favorite songs,
And gazing up at the stars,
While replaying our memories like a never ending love story.
They never seem to fade away.

Never thought I'd find myself like this.
Falling faster than our lives colliding,
Realizing every silly little thing reminds me of you.
I feel as if I've found my other half,
Someone I can be myself around,
Smilin at the fact that I'm yours.

When our days seem like weeks,
And our months seem like years,
It breaks my heart knowing we wont be us anymore.
And it scares me to think,
That you'll simply forget even holding my hand.
With all the time spent and memories made,
I wouldn't trade it for the world even if it ends with a tear.

Never thought I'd find myself in love,
Hoping that someday we'll find each other again.

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Note to self: next blog on ephesians 1 (inheritance & blessings) // backsliding